"Sorry, I Stopped Listening Five Minutes Ago".. were the words I uttered in one of the office meetings 3-4 days back. Sitting next to the principal of the organisation these words show my absentmindedness. A dumb me was never a reality. I did not go back and contemplate. I know I am wrong and I know have wrong reasons to behave liked that. But that was truth, I was not present. I was absent. I am losing my credit because of this. My mind is not focussed.
Now this para seemed quite simple. For all those who read blogs for literary pleasure, this is plain. I am sure most of you might as wel have lost the interest. As I write I feel strong emotions but they do not have nomenclature. My quality has de-proved (improved's opposite). But let us see if I can find a reason for this and try to keep you all motivated.
"swamiji swaiji nahi raha..sala gujju baniya ho gaya hai. mainto bahut pehle hi paagal ho chuka tha. tu to normal rehne ka try kar". Great words. From a great person. Dont worry he s not great enough that you try to guess his name. His name is litte. He has nothing to do with LTTE, the tamil tigers. Let me introduce a flashback here and introduce the three characters in quotes. They resided in the same hostel for over three years.
So we have these three - gujju baniya, Litte and swami.
Now, think of every thing in a frame of black and white.
Gujju baniya - He is the most intelligent of the three. Rest two only pretend intelligence and show it off when it is least required. If you thought he is a gujrati, you are grossly mistaken. He s a bihari. Now don’t get scared by any bihari stereotype. He is harmless dumbo. Right from school he came first. And those who came second could never think of coming first. (though that was exaggeration but was very close to the reality). He is the natraj. Many girls, not so girls (what else was there in roorkee), professors, beggars, aliens have been attracted to natraj at different point of time by all his westren, not so western (his area of expertise) and indian performances. He was roommate of this swami for about an year. Swami was harami (Rthym - sing .. swami was harami,..lala lala la...swami was harami). Now, stop singing and read. Why was the gujju, baniya? See two reasons. First, he's by birth a baniya. (so are the other two!). Second, he s baniya and he epitomizes this. You won’t ever feel you are spending on him and he won’t ever feel that you are spending on him and the friendship goes on. He is a great guy to be with. Sad part of the story is, only boys know this. Alas!. Hope you have maintained the black and white frame till this point.
Litte – Think of a 5’3 unshaven uncombed unkempt unaccented unacquisitive and unawed bengaali. He is not harmless. He is a mental virus. He can eat up your mind. He is a great Lit guy. That is all in his honor. Now his dishonor. He wears grey white shirts. White shirts grayed with dirt. Some colors, sounds, smells added. Colors, litte is very much colored. All over his face God has thrown bits and pieces of chalk powder and coal tar. He is not as black as me but he is as patched as a leopard. Bad descript. Anyways, sounds. Dha dhaiyein surr purr hurr dhush dhshhhh dashhh….don’t worry …no plain sounds; they have smell in them. Three rooms next to his room litte has his presence felt. Ahh! Mess food. So this little fart king litte will sleep as if he will never wakeup. Bad on attendance this guy was quite clear and confused. Clear about his confusion and confused about everything other than his clarity on confusion. Always said very confidently,” I am confused”. Poor guy got through IIM Cal.
Swami – Now if girls are reading this. Please hold your breath. Change the black and white frame. Think of a meadow somewhere in some eastern Europe village. Think of yourself as wearing a red scarf and a blue skirt with a basket of red fresh apples held tightly in your hand. Breeze, rain, trees, river, huts etc add them one, few or all as per your taste. Now your prince of dreams..our swami arrives. A sharp featured, smart and sturdy swami, cynosure of most of the girls. He, perfection undescribed. He was what ever good you can think of. (Though, thinking is hard as she says)
Swami is me.
Now all those who have been able to read this blog till here are requested to be patient and wait for more to come. Get out in reality and keep the B&W frame to your side.
Why was the first para written in first place. "Sorry, I Stopped Listening Five Minutes Ago". Where has the thought gone. Its very much here. All of the three – GB, litte and swami had one thing in common – they were confused. Grossly confused. They talked about life in detail. They passed out without finding their passions. Litte is a below average performer at Cal. Swami is thrashed by his manger every now and then. Gujju feels frust in the his oil fill plant.
We are all talented but performing not to our satisfactions. We can leave our jobs, studies, careers et al (wrong usage) but need passions for that. Greatest challenge on planet is to find a passion. I never felt sad about my being less passionate than needed. But I feel it now. God can make your birth happen in societies, cultures, environments where you become finest intellectuals etc but HE can’t ever place you in a position where you will say “this is what I want to do”. This lurking danger can hit us all hard and bad. As I end my CFA books wait for me as it is the latest found forced passion.
Mom calling. Deewali pujan.
Sorry, for an abrupt ending.
Life is weird and it will always be.
