For moments for self...

Read somewhere today, '...reduce clutter in life and life will turn better...'.

Removing physical clutter i.e. cleaning up room and bringing stuff in place helps, always. Did that yesterday and it was: wow!

Removing mental clutter just needs few moments with self. Few moments, where I just leisurely sit and enjoy my moment of inactivity. Today, on a bright Sunday morning I loved the sun and the time I spent with my self, the moments trimming the nails just flew by and I realised how calm I was with the clutter settling down.

The whole day passed with peace - had gone out for shopping but was quick to be back on the goal...studies. So, those few moments not only helped the present, they helped the near-term present as well.

I really loved the chair and the peace and the sun and the cutting down of clutter. Few aha! moments for me. Life is good.

CFA Level 2 - pains and learnings

It happened again. I cleared CFA Level 2. Moment of joy!!! Here are bits of the mind holing process and few of leanings.

Well, level 2 was more difficult than I had initially thought it to be. There were reasons to that - higher course volume, more abstruse topics (I never understood how emerging markets' valuations are done) and likes .There were moments when I though why at the first place did I register for this. But, then beauty of all of it was I learned a lot during the process.

Compared to level 1 there were topics which went on and on and on. These never ending topics seemed to be the biggest challenge. At the first sight you may say that number of pages for level 2 notes has increased by 70% therefore, the I need 70% more time. But, that unfortunately is not true - because there are so many topics which just don't sink in well and you keep on reading over and over again to figure out what the author is saying; only resulting in a decreased confidence and little increased knowledge.

Few things which I learned out of the whole prep story were - better time management helps; focus on what is just expected to be known and don't waste time on things which not important outside of the study hours. There are two faces to time management. One is higher level another one is micro level. At a higher level I was bang on target; gave a fortnight for each book and moved on. But what happened within those 15 day brackets was interesting - I used to roam around for the first week and then as the end of fornight approached I used to start working harder. So, this led to a lot of inconsistency in preparation and therefore, a feeling within that I m just not there. Secondly, reading CFAI books is great but then somewhere it doesn't help you for the recall part in the exam. Hence, all time that went into the CFAI books was not useful. Thirdly, I was wasting a lot of time during weekends which proved to confidence shattering. After wasting a full weekend I just used to go home and think was wasting the whole weekend essential.

So, here I am - with few learnings and a positive result. Life waits for an MBA now.

Nothing Succeeds Like Success

I tracked Media stocks in Indian for markets for whole of 2007. There were great companies like PVR, Adlabs, BAG films etc. Mostly people believe that the best stocks to buy are the ones with great stories and reasonable valuations . But over a period of time I have learned that to make relatively quick success you actually have to RIDE THE SUCCESS WAVE. Just waiting for the wave to come and take you along may take ages. Simple strategy is - Buy what is being bought. Adlabs moved three times in H2 07. When I was writing my novice-investors.blogspot.com/ blog I stated that PVR is better placed. But I was wrong. PVR could just double up and Adlabs tripled.

I analyzed three of my seniors after their post grads. One with the best school name in spite of an okayish study stream landed in a job which pays him equivalent to what the other two are earning.

I also noticed my peers who just after grad - if they landed in great jobs they moved on to even greater jobs and the ones which were not so lucky mortals actually landed up in equally bad or slightly better jobs/profiles/companies.

Look at Narendra Modi in Gujarat or Left in West Bengal. They are SIMPLY WINNING it all.

This may just be another way of stating 80-20 principle. But, it works amazingly.
Just an analogy - Success GETS COMPOUNDED LIKE INTEREST IN A BANK ACCOUNT.

Ethnic Indians protesting

Ethnic Indians protesting for their rights in other parts of the world. Is this emerging India?

Come back into the shell

Standing at/on the terrace of the office with the senior director and trying to decipher life's mantra, I stood surprised by the simplicity and risk appetite of the man in front of me. Analyzing has gone into the blood the so much so that , judgment has become a habit. I listened to him, agreed to him, disagreed to him; but all this while; I was all thinking - Why has this man not done what he says? And if he does, why does he not show it off.

Questions were many, answers none. But determined to take a take-away out of the whole scene, I got one thing - 'You need to not only think different, but you need to follow that with passion as well'.

Passions need (to) be discovered, nourished and as life vanishes like a mild cigarette; keep an eye on number of hours spend on nourishing passions. They are less and as we age, passions die out...Truth remains - we are INTO the matrix and getting out needs a mental transformation. Which is not possible without 'free thinking - free action'.

In spite of knowing all this; like the pets of my landlord, who run away and come back home in a couple (of) days... I too moven, shaken to think at times; come back into my shell within a couple (of) hours.

SO this was the GAP :)

And when I left my CFA dream...

This is like saying I don't want Nicole Kidman because I don't have time.

Going on a business trip the same day as that of CFA level 2 makes me feel hapless. But the reality is I was quite far in terms of even solving 2 out of 20 Qs there. My manager says - ask if they can return your money. Hah! poor he; doesn't know - give a rupee to a beggar today and ask for it again tommorow - he won't return.Leave alone a profit org. Reparation is no more a truth on this planet.

So next this thing is - Keep going dude...

My first few days here!

ISKON TEMPLE

Good old stories of RK Narayan. Very simiar was Bangalore as first arrrived here and was given a service appartnent in middle of the typical south indian culto...same old men half-clad with full lenght lungis; half-english half-Kannada security guards; half-baked chappatis; half-hearted service to northies. Very typical to south india I read in RK Narayan n was being told by hard core northies.

11 days have gone. Situation changed. Bangalore is not that bad. I moved out of the service appartment to a posh residential area. Now I understand why people like 'bangy' so much. I dindnt find northy food other than 'Chandini chownk' anyware. But also what I didnt find was 'rice drenched unclean hands'. Good food; clean food. Not only Kannda babes but a huge no. of bengalans n punjabans n mumbaikars....n expats too if u r lucky enuf. Bangalore has a good face too but you have to be in right places.

I am waiting to be exposed to best part of bangalore. - the nite life. How bangalore rocks when Delhi sleeps. Hope to see that soon :)

I cleared it and that too with all stars in 70+ range...Hurraay!!!

And down beneath, with foxen eyes...

The many scatter in the wood,

Dividing left'and right:

These follow Zaboi, those attend

Fierce Slavoi to the fight;

And towards the mountain blue they go

Deep through the forest's night.

And when the fifth day's sun arose

True hands they gave and took,

And down beneath, with foxen eyes,

On the king's host they look.

I m late

I m late...to think about IAS
...to think about being a rebel
...to think how I cud I have saved myself
...to think, if I am still worth
...to think, if ppl still trust me
...to think, if I am still strong
...to think, if I have my principles intact
...to think,what shall I do...

just flow as it comes...

I am sad and low...powerless n speechless... small and impotent...unclear n unfortunate...guilty n foolish...

I am late to prove my worth...

IN COVERSATION - GOD AND ME

At variant locations and time points -

Me: God, this is going to be great.
God: (Smiles)

Me: God, look I have prayed a lot this time. It should be different, ok.
God: (Smiles)

Me: God, I am not demanding full of x but half of x will do.
God: (Smiles)

Me: God, I will be so happy to see them happy.
God: (Smiles)

Me: Last time, God.
God: (Smiles)

Me: Once more, God.
God: (Smiles)

Me: God, I am just there.
God: (Smiles)

Me: Just Once more, God.
God: (Smiles)


REALITY IS - HE ONLY LISTENS AND SMILES WHATEVER THE CASE BE.
DRAW TWO LESSONS -

1. Keep on proposing to God. He may/may not help. But it reassures self-belief.
2.To become GOD - Just LISTEN, SMILE and do WHATEVER You feel is correct. You will become God.

SECOND ONE IS MORE IMPORTANT.

After drawing the lesson -

Me: (Smiles)
God: (Smiles)

Me: (Smiles)
God: (Smiles)

Me: (Smiles)
God: (Smiles)

Smiles Smiles Smiles ...
AND GOD AND I FALL IN LOVE.

Straight to the point - Nidhi Goyal

Straight to the point. I enlarged the photo in my fax viewer and saw this:

You can see for yourself the picture is beautiful.

Everything is awesome.Perfection and the imperfection; both. Part that protrudes from the the lower jaw is superb. It blends well with the smile. I wont call it chin caz calling that would have omitted a few muscles between the lower lip and chin line. Blending as I say of the smile with the lower jaw is superb. Smile no one would have questions about it. Tho I have doubts if it is as broad as it seems from the side view. The right cheek displays enouf to arouse the curiosity by giving a sense of unaccomplishment in studying the face. Matching of the nose line or rather scoring of the nose line just over the right cheek also adds to the mystery of not knowing the right part. Fully visible upper teeth being just above the lower lip leave room for no improvement in the lower face region. Small is beautiful. With eyes this is not generally true. But the fox-en frozen feeling of the black balls -- hidden under the eye-lashes -- with a nice eye theard work looks awesome. Again nicely parloured hair are misplaced enuf to arouse one to offer a hand and say 'Shall I help you with them?'. They come right to the shoulders with a perfect length; just enough to let the V-line visible. Long earings visible fully senses richness. Hidden ears add to the unknown. Neck-lines are generally appreciated. She has that and you can notice it. What is special about neck is the flow with which it leaves the chin n meets the neck-line. Awesome. Though I would have loved to have seen the flow continued till the V-line; which does break the symmetry at bottom center of the picture. If the back would have been more straight she might have overcome that as well. Or a little more camera angle towards the right would have covered that.

Adding to the beauty of skin and hair and teeth bones there's deeper sense of confidence which not only is prominent on face but is pouring out of the eyes more predominantly. Eyes - as I cud decipher have two emotions - Victory and some fox-en attribute which it seems I have no words for. It seems she knows it that 'She is beautiful'. I dont know how intelligent/smart she is but given she is; she deserves to rule the kings.

YOU ARE AWESOME GURL. I MIGHT HAVE WRITTEN A FEW MORE WORDS BUT HAVE A FEW INTERVIEWS LINED UP. KEEP ROBBING HEARTS.

My Concept of Awesome - Anyways, sometimes a few things make you stop and you look in awe. And most of the times we get look at them for a min or two and then start thinking about them. Try knowing more about them and appreciating them. But if neither appreciation comes out nor we try to know more about for first few minutes than I call it AWESOME.

LINES I LOVE THE MOST

There was in a courtyard,
an old cement wall.
Thunder lightning, nothing could
touch it at all.

It was cold and sturdy and topped
with bits of glass
It defied age, time or reason, it let
nobody pass.


One day through a tiny crack
there emerged
A tiny green stem with a leaf
still unfurled.

It has no soil to hold on to,
no water at all.
It had nothing in with the
old grey wall.

But slowly the tiny green stem
grew roots.
And the stem branched out
into multiple shoots.

Soon a crack appeared in the
unshakable wall.
Those who preserve, conquer
it all.



Honoring greatness.

To achieve something gives a great feeling. And sometimes to let it go gives greater

Question: As I sit here in office,I think: Why did I do bad in CFA xam?

Response : There are many explanations [and reactions] that may soothe my frens n family:
"Course was too tough",Ma.
"At least you tried",Papa.
"He he",Supriyo
"Keep your fingers crossed",Didi.
"Mere saath diyo ab june mein",Karthik.
"saale tu bahut bada negative thinker hai, tera ho jayega"Nikhil Bhai

"Rehne do****Kyuin",Khushboo

"hmmmmmm",Vidhushi.
"Office was too hectic,man"Deep

Past : I would not say this was my first xam where I did bad. Scored 22/50 in english gram in 2nd. Scored 53/100 in maths in 10th. 64/100, English - 10th. 37/100, Sanskrit-8th, was amongst last 3-4 guys in nursery and KinderGarden. But I never took as them defeats. I always laughed at the teachers and took them as opportunities to score more. A few times, I did and many a times I didn't. I am no Hero. But good thing was: I didn't loose battles without fighting. I was always happy fighting.

Present: But this time it was different. I lost it. I didn't laugh at it. And I have not taken this as a challenge, this time. It's different. Its not a Zen's calm. It is a tired person's acceptance of defeat.

Race: Now does that make me one among those who are at the bottom of the race [Races don't go left to right or right to left these days; they go top to bottom and bottom to top. Gives you the liberty to pull the legs of ones above you or watch thru their legs. Great if your boss is a She. Also, keep pissing on ones below you. Learned this at the org i m working for:) CopyRight - KapilGoyal] No that does nt make me one below the ones above me. I feel myself trapped in a marathon, where everyone wants to come first. I am standing right in the center of this running rushing crowd pushing me along willingly/unwillingly.

Me: I am tired of running. I stand demotivated. Out of the purple haze, I am trapped in the $$$HAZE$$$ - worst thing that could happen to me. I find a way out: find solace listening to Sri-2 RaviShanker. But then I forgot his lessons the moment I lost his sight. Anyways, life has not been all that cruel to me. I will fight back and win. Caz that is me. But then, why have I to fail once before making it heads. God is great and he always will be. I search for a race I would love to be a part of. I-Banking is day(s) in-thing. Today/tomorrow I will turn this around but will I do what I enjoy most doing in life:Talking. Or I will I keep venting out my anguish [over this over-awed society of mine] only on blogs. I have promised myself that I will do four things for sure in life: ***Serve my parents [Nothing new] ***Make a film ***Open a charity school in my grandpa's village ***____*** I am keeping fourth blank for anything new that comes to life.

Gyan: You have to come to terms with life. You have to keep the bar low. Probably, I feel more clear about my life now. Right. A balanced life like a balanced diet is the solution. Every thing has to be done. It is not an acceptance of defeat but a pleasure of realising: Life is important.

Prediction: On the timescale, my story will be like this : **Health[mental and physical]**Amrika.**Study.**Ibanking**Money**Marriage**Serve.**2-3 maal gf's [my daughters]**Direct[a film]/Write a book**Open Charity School**Smile&Pass-Away**.

Question: Life is simple. Isn't it?

STRAIGHT SPEAKING AND RIGHT LIVING

I wash my hands of him(PAUPER) at the start. I cannot father the tales anymore. I make a few preliminary reservations, observe, as a guard on my own trust. I do possess a certain definite position in a small-small way,and for the bright name of the community that honours my existence with its kind approval, and for the sake and surity of life's posterity and mine, I cannot take chances I once did, nor foster any probabilities with the careless improvidence of the youth.

Having been honest to myself, and to whatever prospective olive branches life may be pleased to offer me, I can now afford to be generous. I do not criticize the tales told to me. If it is asked why, I can only add that judgment I have no dreams of my own. Long have I pondered and balanced, but never have my conclusions been twice the same! caz this Papuer is a greater man than I. If he have told truths, well and good; if untruths, still its good. For who shall prove ? or who disprove? I eliminate myself from that proposition, while those of little faith may do as I have done - go find the same Papuer, and argue to his face the various matters which, if future serves, I shall relate to.As to where he may be found? Dead in the a cinema's bin...

That he is there,somewhere, within that unclearly defined territory, I pledge the word of an honourable respectful man whose expectations entail straight speaking and right living.

Characters can be changed to make stories look more customized. But, truth has to found by 'STRAIGHT SPEAKING AND RIGHT LIVING'.

Sorry, I Stopped Listening Five Minutes Ago

"Sorry, I Stopped Listening Five Minutes Ago".. were the words I uttered in one of the office meetings 3-4 days back. Sitting next to the principal of the organisation these words show my absentmindedness. A dumb me was never a reality. I did not go back and contemplate. I know I am wrong and I know have wrong reasons to behave liked that. But that was truth, I was not present. I was absent. I am losing my credit because of this. My mind is not focussed.

Now this para seemed quite simple. For all those who read blogs for literary pleasure, this is plain. I am sure most of you might as wel have lost the interest. As I write I feel strong emotions but they do not have nomenclature. My quality has de-proved (improved's opposite). But let us see if I can find a reason for this and try to keep you all motivated.

"swamiji swaiji nahi raha..sala gujju baniya ho gaya hai. mainto bahut pehle hi paagal ho chuka tha. tu to normal rehne ka try kar". Great words. From a great person. Dont worry he s not great enough that you try to guess his name. His name is litte. He has nothing to do with LTTE, the tamil tigers. Let me introduce a flashback here and introduce the three characters in quotes. They resided in the same hostel for over three years.

So we have these three - gujju baniya, Litte and swami.

Now, think of every thing in a frame of black and white.

Gujju baniya - He is the most intelligent of the three. Rest two only pretend intelligence and show it off when it is least required. If you thought he is a gujrati, you are grossly mistaken. He s a bihari. Now don’t get scared by any bihari stereotype. He is harmless dumbo. Right from school he came first. And those who came second could never think of coming first. (though that was exaggeration but was very close to the reality). He is the natraj. Many girls, not so girls (what else was there in roorkee), professors, beggars, aliens have been attracted to natraj at different point of time by all his westren, not so western (his area of expertise) and indian performances. He was roommate of this swami for about an year. Swami was harami (Rthym - sing .. swami was harami,..lala lala la...swami was harami). Now, stop singing and read. Why was the gujju, baniya? See two reasons. First, he's by birth a baniya. (so are the other two!). Second, he s baniya and he epitomizes this. You won’t ever feel you are spending on him and he won’t ever feel that you are spending on him and the friendship goes on. He is a great guy to be with. Sad part of the story is, only boys know this. Alas!. Hope you have maintained the black and white frame till this point.

Litte – Think of a 5’3 unshaven uncombed unkempt unaccented unacquisitive and unawed bengaali. He is not harmless. He is a mental virus. He can eat up your mind. He is a great Lit guy. That is all in his honor. Now his dishonor. He wears grey white shirts. White shirts grayed with dirt. Some colors, sounds, smells added. Colors, litte is very much colored. All over his face God has thrown bits and pieces of chalk powder and coal tar. He is not as black as me but he is as patched as a leopard. Bad descript. Anyways, sounds. Dha dhaiyein surr purr hurr dhush dhshhhh dashhh….don’t worry …no plain sounds; they have smell in them. Three rooms next to his room litte has his presence felt. Ahh! Mess food. So this little fart king litte will sleep as if he will never wakeup. Bad on attendance this guy was quite clear and confused. Clear about his confusion and confused about everything other than his clarity on confusion. Always said very confidently,” I am confused”. Poor guy got through IIM Cal.


Swami – Now if girls are reading this. Please hold your breath. Change the black and white frame. Think of a meadow somewhere in some eastern Europe village. Think of yourself as wearing a red scarf and a blue skirt with a basket of red fresh apples held tightly in your hand. Breeze, rain, trees, river, huts etc add them one, few or all as per your taste. Now your prince of dreams..our swami arrives. A sharp featured, smart and sturdy swami, cynosure of most of the girls. He, perfection undescribed. He was what ever good you can think of. (Though, thinking is hard as she says)

Swami is me.


Now all those who have been able to read this blog till here are requested to be patient and wait for more to come. Get out in reality and keep the B&W frame to your side.

Why was the first para written in first place. "Sorry, I Stopped Listening Five Minutes Ago". Where has the thought gone. Its very much here. All of the three – GB, litte and swami had one thing in common – they were confused. Grossly confused. They talked about life in detail. They passed out without finding their passions. Litte is a below average performer at Cal. Swami is thrashed by his manger every now and then. Gujju feels frust in the his oil fill plant.

We are all talented but performing not to our satisfactions. We can leave our jobs, studies, careers et al (wrong usage) but need passions for that. Greatest challenge on planet is to find a passion. I never felt sad about my being less passionate than needed. But I feel it now. God can make your birth happen in societies, cultures, environments where you become finest intellectuals etc but HE can’t ever place you in a position where you will say “this is what I want to do”. This lurking danger can hit us all hard and bad. As I end my CFA books wait for me as it is the latest found forced passion.

Mom calling. Deewali pujan.

Sorry, for an abrupt ending.

Life is weird and it will always be.

Technology Inconvenience

Oh man! a new stream of thoughts..

I am getting bored in office. No work . Rather I finished it early. Those who don't want to read garbage please press the red cross button on top right of your screen. I will bore you. Read this if you have nothing else to do.

I was just thinking. How advanced are we.

I am technocrat. Working as a market analyst (a hip-hop profile for those who don't know wht it is). I use some 6 year old Motorola phone. If, I travel by bus and a pick-pocket gets it out of my pocket he will come back to me giving back the mobile and may be a few rupees in charity.

My dad. He is a top executive of a nationalized bank. He loves his children as anybody else would do. He bought my sis one of the costiliest cameras available in the Indian market. I went back home. He is back from Kolkatta (read with Punjabi ac-sent). Brought a new mobile for me too. It was red colored. (OOH didn't he get any other color). It's cost was half my salary (only meant for those who know it). It was a great phone. But I asked him to take it back to Kol-kataa (read with a Bengali ascent as it is going back).

My sis is a wud-be surgeon. She is SUPPOSED to work hard in her hospital. Take great care of her patients. But she has got a similar mobile. 99% of times she is hooked to it. May be shes asking her fellow doctors about consultation. I don't know. She is a desi. Give her a computer she will get confused between an excel sheet andd a pdf document. But she has all the antra-tantras NEEDed to call oneself hip-hop. Does she NEED all this.

I have explained my family more than the gadgets, here. But the point is this. We have everything around us on sale. I still am trying to figure out why a budding surgeon NEEDs a 10 megapixel camera more than an eye lash euipment. We have become slaves to machines. People say we are yet to reach that stage. I disagree. We are losing on the priorities. We don't know what to buy and why to buy FIRST. Because our minds are getting conditioned day in and day out. We can't stop this NEED for greed syndrome.Can we. If we could, my company gets out of business. I am not a swadesi or a communist. I simply question the existense of all these consumer products which come without any information on DO WE REALLY NEED THEM.

As I end, my motorola mobile blips for a message to download the latest bollywood ringtones.

Lunch Break.Life is weird.

Liked it so much that could not resist copying this...

Liked it so much that could not resist copying this...

Hey! I am educated
They say the earth is round
I beleive them
They say the sun is stationary
I beleive them
They say I cant exceed the speed of light
I beleive them
I call myself educated because i know these
But I have never seen the curvature of the earth
I see the sun moving through out the day
I never tried to go beyond the thousandths of light
But still I beleive them
And I call myself educated.

Life is weird.

Life is weird. Things just don't seem to make sense. People walk backwards. Cars drive backwards. More importantly, we can't really seem to get inside the head of the body we inhabit: it's as though they are two separate selves. Man ditches his lovers, has sex with dogs, and then seduces them. Every Sunday he takes money out of the collection plate at temple. He finds bits of himself in the trash: teeth, hair, and so forth. The man works as a doctor, breaking small children who come to see him. Aversion to the doctor is there,the heinous acts he performs both on the children and in everyday life are worth imagining. Life goes on . Doctors kills the all of us until time finally flows backwards to the one era and place in which it all makes sense : the source of the doctor's literal, and spiritual, guilt. This causes a crisis of identity within all of us . What could have caused time to flow backwards and morality to reverse in the first place? We are all confused. People are stealing heads of others to make money. My organs lie safe in the wardrobe. I am happy that doctor doesnt know me. I play gulli-danda without the stick.Himalayan trees start shedding diamonds in place of apples.

AND POLITICIANS BECOME HONEST.